I hope this brings you Wednesday cheer!
4.28.2009
Warren G
After much deliberation, I have decided that if I am to pursue my dream as a hot, male stripper, I will go by the Show-Name of: Warren G. Hard-On. In honor of Warren G. Harding, the 29th President of the United States of America. I think it is an honorable name that will commemerate the man eternally. Warren G. Hard-On is provoking, tasteful and classy; but most of all…it is Patriotic. So when I hit that stage every night, all oiled up wearing that tear away G-string, I will know that I’m not just doing it for the approval of those drunken middle-aged housewives or for the degrading sum of money I will earn every night (mostly oily singles); I will be doing this wild, cock-tease romp for America!
Let Freedom Ring….In My Pants.
On a sad note, it has been recently brought to my attention that Warren Harding has been dead for the last 85 years. Now knowing this, it saddens me that he will never get to enjoy my show.I had always wished for Warren to watch me perform my routine at the local club, The Man-Hole. All I wanted was for Mr. Harding to come up to me after a show and say “Hey Dan, I loved the show! Keep up the good work!” But unfortunately, that will never come to fruition….
In Loving Memory,
Warren Gamaliel Harding
(1865-1923)
4.27.2009
4.26.2009
4.24.2009
To whom it may concern....
Hey everyone! I'm sorry I haven't posted anything for a few minutes, but I've recently been kidnapped by a rouge band of Somalian Pirates. Don't fear, they're pretty nice guys once you get to know them. Short story even shorter, I have decided to join their small little 'nautical gang'. For it is written in the 'good (pirate) book': If ya'r can't beat them, ya'r be joinin them. Or walking the plank! Yargh! Shiver me timbers. Land-lubber, mateys. Yargh! Yo Ho, Ho. Double Yargh!"
What a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad (Michael) Bay
So last night I watched Transformers on Blu-Ray (because I make terrible life choices). I still don't enjoy the movie that much, but I could at least 'get' what was going on thanks to 1080p. Also, thanks to the wonders of High Definition, I was able to spot 13 new product placements in the film! (It's like a fun little, corporate American treasure hunt!) Oh Michael Bay, when will the general public finally rise up and say "enough" to your 2 -1/2 hour commercials?!
4.23.2009
4.22.2009
Of Hulks and Beards
The other day I watched the flick, that is cleverly titled: ‘The Incredible Hulk’. As I was watching the film, it raised many scientific and philosophical questions, namely in the field of Body Hair. Though the film only touched on the topic very briefly, I felt that it is a topic of great interest that should be further explored. Right now…
Now we all know that Bruce Banner is an average-sized, white male, with dark hair; but when he transforms into The Hulk he becomes a giant, green monster, with green hair. But now what about the rest of the hair on Banner’s body? That’s the real question. If Bruce Banner grows out a beard does that mean The Hulk has a beard?
Both 'Hulk' films end with Bruce Banner sporting a nice beard, but he never gets to transform back into The Hulk before the film ends. And why do you think that is?! Because Hollywood is not ready to tackle the big issues! Hollywood can’t answer the question of whether or not The Hulk would have a beard because it would open Pandora’s Box!
If we knew whether or not The Hulk grew a beard, it would raise too many other questions, like: Does The Hulk have pubes? What color would they be? Are they larger than Bruce Banner’s regular pubes? If The Hulk’s pubes are larger, is his wiener larger? Does The Hulk even have a wiener? Does Bruce Banner even have a wiener? Does The Hulk have a green wiener? Does Bruce Banner have a green wiener? Why do I have a green wiener? Is it common among guys? Should I consult some sort of doctor about this?
…..you see……it just raises too many questions….
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